Proving to OURSELVES

[Carol87]

The issue is not about others understanding and taking us seriously. The issue is not about others believing we're good and good enough. The issue is not about others seeing and believing how responsible or loving or competent we are. The issue is not about whether others realize how deeply we are feeling a particular feeling. We are the ones that need to see the light.

Today, God, help me let go of my need to control outcomes by influencing the beliefs of others. I will concentrate on accepting myself, rather than trying to prove something about myself. If I catch myself in the codependent trap of trying to emphasize something about myself to another, I will ask myself if I need to convince myself at that point.
Excerpt: From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation. July 19

I have spent much of the past couple of years trying to convince others, particularly certain family members, that I do know how the side effects of a ‘very light’ stroke a couple years ago are affecting me. It was becoming an obsession that they MUST understand. What a release to finally recognize that the only person I need to convince is ME … it has brought so much serenity and peace. I no longer even bring up the subject. Instead, with God's help, I make decisions based on what feels right for me. One of the issues that I’m dealing with is driving outside the city I live in. Just because I look good, etc. doesn’t alter the fact that long-term concentration is a problem although I seem to see a great improvement the past month or so, perhaps because "Besides, we have stopped fighting anybody or anything. BB page 103" as well as not fighting with myself. I’m missing a very fun time with family members this weekend while, at the same time, comfortable with my decision to stay home. EDIT: it is an annual event that entails three hours driving each way for me ..

I’m not sure where I’m going with this … other than to say that it has been a gift from God by working my program that I’m free to be me without needing justification and/or approval of others. AND to remember principles BEFORE personalities.

If you are new, keep trudgin’ … it all falls into place in God’s time, not ours. I’ve been in recovery for many many 24 hours and still learning to practice acceptance, love and tolerance.

“Recovery is not about being right; it's about allowing ourselves to be who we are and accepting others as they are. Today, I will remember that I don't have to hide behind being right. I don't have to justify what I want and need with saying something is "right" or "wrong." I can let myself be who I am. Excerpts Language of Letting Go, February 18.”

[Chy]

Thank you for this today Carol. I think that comes with long term practice in recovery as me still being young in recovery often have difficulty in this area. I know I can't change or control others and I always try to impress upon them my intentions are always well meaning when I offer suggestions or advice. I am okay with people who disagree it's the ones that get nasty and aggressive I have a tough time dealing with. I just close my mouth and often find myself the doormat. Principles before personalities is right, I just had a discussion with a dear friend on this last night and I have to let go of beating it into others. LOL