Milkman's Reflections in Recovery - 2012

[yukonm]

Milkman's Reflections - Jan 5 - Amends, Maybe?


Submitted by Milkman Mike on January 5, 2012 - 4:31am


Some of us may still believe that we're just basically nice people who have never truly harmed anyone-except ourselves, that is. If we're truly stumped about who belongs on our amends list, or we have a vague idea that our family belongs there but we're not sure why, it could be that we're overlooking something or that our denial is still pretty thick. Sometimes, we're just not able to see the truth about certain situations, even after many years in recovery. A suggestion that many of us have followed is that if we think of someone to whom we seem to owe amends, but we can't think of the situation that resulted in our owing amends, we put the name on the list anyway. Sometimes we'll think of the "why" later on. We should do the best we can with this step for now, contact our sponsor, and keep working on our recovery. As the saying goes, "more will be revealed." We just need to keep an open mind, so that when the knowledge comes we'll be prepared to accept it.

[yukonm]

Milkman's Reflections - Jan 6 - Our Participation



Submitted by Milkman Mike on January 6, 2012 - 4:32am


The Third Step decision may be too big to make in one leap. Our fears of the Third Step, and the dangerous thinking to which those fears lead, can be eased by breaking this step down into a series of smaller, separate hurdles. The Third Step is just one more piece of the path of recovery from our addiction. Making the Third Step decision doesn’t necessarily mean that we must suddenly, completely change everything about the way we live our lives. Fundamental changes in our lives happen gradually as we work on our recovery, and all such changes require our participation. We don’t have to be afraid that this step will do something to us that we’re not ready for or won’t like.

[Chy]

Thank you! I tried to get it from work on break and got blocked, so thank you. Fighting a bug so hope to help once it passes. Much appreciation and big hugs!

[yukonm]

Milkman's Reflections - Jan 9 - Hitting Bottom






Submitted by Milkman Mike on January 9, 2012 - 4:13am


Hitting Bottom
Despair and Isolation

Most alcoholics/addicts eventually hit a bottom in their active addictions. Bottom can be different for each individual, ranging from just not feeling well after drinking too much up to losing everything that you might have and cherish, and sometimes even your life.


I can only speak for myself when I talk about bottoms as it means something different for everyone. For me, I hit a lot of “bottoms” during my drinking days, ending up in jails, losing many material things, jobs, relationships and more, all due to my uncontrolled drinking. Once I had one drink I could not stop. It didn’t matter whether I had money to buy another drink; I always found a way to get one and more. Borrow, beg and/or steal to get that drink. No one was exempt from my attempts to use them to get another drink; family, friends and even people I didn’t like. You were all “fair game” for me. I could sell ice to an Eskimo when it came to needing that drink.

My agenda for so many years was going to jail regularly about every 3 to 4 years, doing on the average of 6 months and having probation when released. I was on either probation or parole from the time I was 15 years old until the age of 55, with very few time spans in between that I wasn’t. As soon as I was released from jail I would seek out the nearest bar or liquor store and it was on again for me.

I believe that I hit my bottom when I was released from prison in 1997 and realized that I had nothing to go back to, as I had known before. I had no home to go to as my wife had left me while I was away. She had finally gotten fed up with my going away and leaving her with all the problems and alone. As parole would not let me go to San Mateo County to my brother’s house, I ended up in the homeless shelter in Napa, as my money ran out quick.

I ended up going back with my wife in 1999 but I had not changed much as far as my drinking went. I still drank when I could get away with it, which was quite often, and she got fed up again and kicked me out. It didn't take long to get another DUI and I ended back in Napa Jail. Knowing I needed help, I did everything I could to get CRC (California Rehabilitation Center) and a program. I got it even though I had to plead to a five-year commitment. I had finally realized that I could not get clean and sober by myself. It was hopeless and futile to try it by myself. I had hit my bottom.

[yukonm]

Milkman's Reflections - Jan 10 - Substitutes






Submitted by Milkman Mike on January 10, 2012 - 4:09am



This was a post from one of our members from 2007 but it hits home, as what this man says was true for me also. My subsitute from my addictions was learning computers and designing and maintaining recovery sites for the last 7 years and plan on continuing as long as I can.

Substitutes:

When I first came into sobriety, I had to think of substitutes.
No. Not substitutes like…beer for wine….or wine for vodka….
More like:
1) substitutes for the time in the day and night when I picked up.
2) substitutes for the time I was unconscious after picking up.
3) substitutes for the Persons, Places and Things with which I picked up.
4) substitutes for the way in which I thought about picking up.
5) substitutes for the way in which I felt emotionally about picking up.
6) and substitutes for the way in which I had liquefied my spiritual life.

Some of my substitutes were playing in AA softball games, writing poems and short stories, and riding shotgun when taking a wet to a detox.

I sort of gave up on acquaintances with whom I associated when I drank. I didn't see them for a long time.

I had to think of consequences and not passing out to stop the pain.
I had to feel the pain inflicted by the big trauma, or my excuse for drinking. I had to remember not to pick at the scab of that sacred wound which had functioned as my invitation to alcohol. Picking at the would is called "rumination"...Chewing emotional hurts over and over and over again. Think of it as picking the scab off...again and again and again. And I wondered why I didn't feel better when I drank. It took fourteen years of therapy...but...things are not perfect, but a darn site more comfortable.

I had to solidify my spiritual life, first through church attendance and then through classes at a seminary. Then came the division of the religious and the spiritual and the broader acceptance of spiritual though the reading of other Religions, Philosophies and Theologies.

The biggest substitute were writing the little check marks in the columns of the fourth step, sharing it, and getting direction on how to do restitution for the garbage.

For some garbage, no restitution will be done. This is some of the institutional garbage. Given the circumstances I could not be responsible for the outcome or the psychotic episode which I was shoved into having.

Yes. I am dually diagnosed which means that I have at least two write ups in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association.
A good guesstimate of Dullies in Alcoholics Anonymous is about 35% while the guesstimate for Narcotics Anonymous raises to 50%.

So if you were told everything would get better once you were clean and sober, and now you are clean and sober and you feel like a tilted windmill, maybe you should think about seeing an Addictionologist who is also a Psychiatrist or Doctor of Psychology.

This is the Reader' Digest version of my traipsing around in A. A.

If you have substitutes, could you share them?

[yukonm]

Milkman's Reflections - Jan 12 - Saying No






Submitted by Milkman Mike on January 12, 2012 - 3:28am


SAYING "NO".

People who cannot say "No" often do not know what they want or do not want. Frequently, these people think that "No" is a dirty word and that others will not like them if they say it. Being able to say "No" clearly and to mean it are indicators of respecting the self. Doing this means that we are able to take care of our own needs. Not being able to say "No" frequently means that we do not know what we do not want and we also do not know what we do want. Did I say that before? It is not a coincidence that "yes people" end up feeling angry, confused, and used, and not knowing exactly how they got that way.



It is also not a coincidence that people who never say "No" end up with people who rarely say "Yes" to them. These kinds of opposites really do attract each other and together they create a dysfunctional unit. Opposites may attract but similarities stay together. Not being able to say "No" means that we do not trust ourselves - we do not trust that we have rights and needs. It means that we have become more concerned with what other people want and need than we have with ourselves.

People who cannot say "No" are dancing in other people’s heads. This means that they are trying to figure out how to take care of others and, in order to do so, they have to try to figure out what motivates the other person. They are trying to passively coerce the other person into taking care of them. This sounds like manipulation and it is. By never saying "No" to anyone else's demands, or needs, we are expecting them to never say "No" to our own demands and needs. Furthermore, we are expecting them to dance in our heads and to know what we want and need even when we do not. The fact of the matter is that no one can really be in someone else's head; there is only room for one person per head and that is the person who owns the head. Dancing in someone else's head means that we are not spending time in our own heads. It means that we are not taking care of ourselves. It also means that we cannot know what we need and want.

Dance in your own head. Say "No" when you think that you do not want to do what is asked of you. Only say "Yes" to someone else when you are sure that your are giving a clean gift, a gift without strings. This means that you really want to do what is asked or expected of you and that you expect "nothing" back in return. Does this sound selfish? Good, it is. Does this sound self-centered? Only if you do not ever want to do anything for anyone else but you expect them to do everything for you.

People who cannot say "No" are generally very nice people who are trying to be good. These people tend to confuse being nice with being good. They really want to be genuinely helpful and they do not understand why their system produces so much anger and resentment. Once again, the solution lies in faulty training. There is another paradox here and that is that people who can never say "No" are not usually respected by others. Their nice behaviors are taken for granted and they are treated as victims or as not very important. People respect a "No" answer and when they then get a "Yes" answer at another time; they appreciate it more and know that it is real.

Practice saying "No." The world will not fall apart when you do so. Be clear in expressing how you feel. It makes life much simpler for you and for others. You will be surprised at how much people respect a clean, clear "No" and you will feel better about yourself for being truthful and for taking care of yourself. Everyone will win!

[yukonm]

Milkman's Reflections - Jan 13 - Progress.. not perfection


Submitted by Milkman Mike on January 13, 2012 - 4:36am



Identifying the warning signs of relapse can and will show us our denial. Doing something about the warning signs will help us to recover. For example: As alcoholics/addicts, we have learned to lie as a means of protection for our using, feelings, thinking, and behavior. When we stop using, we may stop lying about it, but we will continue to lie about the rest. And addict at any point in recovery, if he has maintained awareness of his/her denial, will notice when he/she lies. The reasons for lying are always the same. "I don't want you to know what I really feel, think, or do." Recovery does not assume that we will stop lying, but rather teaches us to go back and tell the truth after we have lied. When we practice this enough, we will find that we lie less. It's progress not perfection. Taking a daily inventory or journaling of feelings, thinking, and behavior will help us recognize our denial and give us the opportunity to do something about it.

[yukonm]

Milkman's Reflections - Jan 16 - Courage and trust






Submitted by Milkman Mike on January 16, 2012 - 4:18am


Fifth Step

Many of us, having worked the Fourth and Fifth Steps before, knew that this process always resulted in change-in other words, we'd have to stop behaving the same old way! We may not have been entirely sure we wanted that. On the other hand, many of us knew we had to change, but were afraid we couldn't.
Two things we need to begin working Step Five are courage and a sense of trust in the process of recovery. If we have both these things, we'll be able to work through more specific fears and go through with the admissions we need to make in this step.

[yukonm]

Milkman's Reflections - Jan 17 - Shortcomings






Submitted by Milkman Mike on January 17, 2012 - 4:19am


Asking to have our shortcomings removed

So how do we ask the God of our understanding to remove our shortcomings? The answer is likely to depend a great deal on what kind of understanding we have of God. There are many, many different ways to understand God, so many that we couldn't possibly provide examples in this guide of how each person's individual spiritual path would influence his or her Seventh Step work. Suffice it to say that our step work should reflect our own spiritual paths.

As individuals, we might pick a particular personal routine or ritual as our way of asking our Higher Power to remove our shortcomings. For the purposes of this guide, we will call that prayer." The word "prayer is widely accepted in our fellowship as a description of the way we communicate with our Higher Power. The tone of asking is captured in the word "humbly." Coming from the place in ourselves that is most honest, the place that's closest to our spiritual center, we ask to have our shortcomings removed.

How will I ask the God of my understanding to remove my shortcomings?


Can other recovering addicts help me figure out how I'm going to ask? Have I asked them to share their experience, strength, and hope with me? Have I asked my sponsor for guidance?

As with any other aspect of our program, we're not going to ask just once to have our shortcomings removed. We'll ask again and again throughout our lifetimes. The way we ask is certain to change as our understanding of God changes. Nothing we do at this point locks us into one way of working the Seventh Step forever.

[yukonm]

Milkman's Reflections - Jan 18 - Milkman Came to Believe...






Submitted by Milkman Mike on January 18, 2012 - 4:57am


Milkman Came to believe………



Getting sober was a BIG problem for me most of my life. Somewhere in my early program with the State, the urge to drink was lifted from me. I can’t really pinpoint the reason, but can only relate what I did prior.

While I was in a dorm at CRC, I met a guy that was doing a bible correspondence course and he seemed to be taking the incarceration and program in “stride”. I didn’t really understand how anyone could be “comfortable” being where we were at. Locked up, in prison, and mandated each day to attend the Amends Recovery program, the being in groups each day with other inmates, listening to a lot of BS from most, and not understanding a lot from those that were “working their program”. All I could think of was the day I’d be released from there, and could once again do as I wished.

Having had quite a bit of religious upbringing in my early youth, I was aware of the religious beliefs and the bible. I had lived with Baptist preachers as foster parents in my 5-9 years of age days, and attended Catholic teaching from age 11 to 14, receiving communion and confirmation of the Catholic Church.

At age 9, a major event happened in my young life, with my birth mother “taking” me from the foster parents off the steps of church one Sunday morning in 1955. I don’t have much memory of my youth prior to being reunited in 1955, probably my mind blocking it from my memory. Since my recovery began in 2000, piece by piece, parts of that life emerge. As the saying goes, “more will be revealed”.

Getting back to the bible study and the urge to drink being lifted from me, I jumped into the study with “both feet”, going thru the lessons quickly and getting more and more. It seems now that it was like getting a “review” of my religious backgrounds and experience in the church. I had read the bible in my youth complete, a couple of times, so it was not new to me, just refreshing my memory and reconnecting me with my GOD.

For reasons unknown for certain to me, I strayed away from my religious beliefs sometime in early adulthood, and after the death of my 1st son in 1980, gave up on religion altogether. I know that I had blamed GOD for my transition from a foster mother that I only knew as “mother”, and then again for taking our first born at age 11 in 1980.

At this time as I look back, and as I process what I read this morning from Dick B’s story, I have a tendency to think that my “straying” away from my beliefs, just MIGHT have had an effect on my becoming alcoholic/addict, or in staying in that life for such a long time. I can’t even say for certain that my picking up my faith again was everything that brought about recovery for me, but I’m sure it had a lot to do with it. I think that being more comfortable with myself gave me the stamina to absorb and retain what the program was teaching and offering me. My retention as to quoting from the Big Book or the Good Book is not there, but the readings and teaching are imbedded in self. My actions and thoughts retain those teachings and readings, even if my mouth doesn’t speak them as read.

Step 2 of Alcoholics Anonymous say: “Came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore us to sanity”. I believe today that by reestablishing my contact with my GOD, that it gave me the strength to drive out that urge to drink, along with working the 12 steps, prayer and meditation, wanting something other than what I had been living for the prior 35+ years, and the willingness to change. Daily meetings and sometimes more were sure the extra kick in the butt that helped also.

When I was finally released from the CRC program in 2002, I was sent to a transition recovery house in Vallejo. It was an African/American run recovery house, with mostly African/American clients and counselors. Having been brought up a in very prejudiced time (the 60’s), just leaving a prison atmosphere where racial issues are a daily occurrence, it was quite the place for a 55 year old ex-con, alcoholic, addict, with a past of closed mindedness to go and be. I was out of my comfort zone, that’s for sure, but I think that my GOD had something to do with sending me to this environment. Another part of MY recovery process. What I learned there was acceptance, humility and the ability to accept people for who they are and not what they are. My days of profiling were in the past.

I started this writing with the intention of it being about “balance in my life today”. Somehow, because of where my thoughts are today, it turned out to be “as it is”. When my thoughts stray, I let them, as I generally write about what I REALLY am thinking and feeling today.

My writing on balance in my life will have to wait for another day, another thought process and more time, lol.

Wishing you all a great day and now to figure out what kind of title I’ll call this writing, even though I feel it’s incomplete. My thoughts tend to wander when writing and if I get off track, excuse me please. It must be the “age”, lol My memory and attentiveness just isn’t what it NEVER was.

[yukonm]

Milkman's Reflections - Jan 19 - spiritual awakening






Submitted by Milkman Mike on January 19, 2012 - 4:16am


spiritual awakening

Each time we work through the Twelve Steps we will have a different experience. Subtleties of meaning for each of the spiritual principles will become apparent, and we will find that as our understanding grows, we are also growing in new ways and in new areas. The ways in which we are able to be honest, for instance, will expand along with our basic understanding of what it means to be honest. We will see how practicing the principle of honesty must first be applied to ourselves before we are able to be honest with others. We will see that honesty can be an expression of our personal integrity. As our understanding of the spiritual principles grows, so will the depth of our spiritual awakening.

Which spiritual principles have been connected to which steps, for me, and how have those contributed to my spiritual awakening?


What does the phrase "spiritual awakening" mean to me?

[yukonm]

Milkman's Reflections - Jan 20 - Hope






Submitted by Milkman Mike on January 20, 2012 - 4:27am


Hope

The hope we get from working Step Two replaces the desperation with which we came into the program. Every time we had followed what we’d thought would get a path out of our addiction-medicine, religion, or psychiatry, for instance-we found they only took us so far; none of these was sufficient for us. As we ran out of options and exhausted our resources, we wondered if we’d ever find a solution to our dilemma. If there was anything in the world that worked. In fact, we may have been slightly suspicious when we first came to Narcotics Anonymous, wondering if this was just another method that wouldn’t work, or that wouldn’t work well enough for us to make a difference.

However, something remarkable occurred to us as we sat in our first few meetings. There were other addicts there who had used drugs just as we had, addicts who were now clean. We believed in them. We knew we could trust them. They knew the places we’d been to in our addiction-not just the using hangouts, not just the geographic location, but the hangouts of horror and despair our spirits had visited each time we’d used. The recovering addicts we met in NA knew those places as well as we did because they had been there themselves.

It was when we realized that these other members-addicts like ourselves-were staying clean and finding freedom that most of us first experienced the feeling of hope. We may have been standing with a group of members after a meeting. We may have been listening to someone share a story just like our own. Most of us can recall that moment, even years later-and that moment comes to all of us.

Our hope is renewed throughout our recovery. Each time something new is revealed to us about our disease, the pain of that realization is accompanied by a surge of hope. No matter how painful the process of demolishing our denial may be, something else is being restored in its place within us. Even if we don’t feel like we believe in anything, we do believe in the program. We believe that we can be restored to sanity, even in the most hopeless times, even in our sickest areas.

What do I have hope about today?

[yukonm]

Milkman's Reflections - Jan 23 - To Addicts






Submitted by Milkman Mike on January 23, 2012 - 4:20am


To addicts

Why does the Twelfth Step specify that we carry the message to addicts? Why did NA work for us when nothing else had? Almost every one of us had someone - a teacher, a counselor, a family member, a police officer - tell us that using drugs was killing us and destroying all we cared about, that if we just stayed away from our using friends and otherwise limited our access to drugs, we'd be able to change our lives. Most of us probably even agreed on some level, unless we were in complete denial. So why couldn't we find relief until we found Narcotics Anonymous? What did those other NA members have that made us believe recovery was possible?

In a word: credibility. We knew that they, who were just like us, had stopped using and found a new way to live. They didn't care what we had or didn't have. It even said in the readings we heard at the beginning of the meeting that it didn't matter what or how much we used. Most of us were grateful to find out that we qualified. We knew we'd suffered enough, but we wanted to be accepted. And we were. The addicts who were there for us when we first started coming to meetings made us feel welcome. They offered their phone numbers and encouraged us to call any time. But what we really found important was the identification. Members who had used just like we did shared their experience with getting clean. Members who knew from personal experience exactly how isolated and alone we felt seemed to know instinctively that a simple, loving hug was what we needed. It seemed as if the whole group knew exactly what we needed without us having to ask.

We often say to one another that we're fortunate to have this program; it gives us a way to cope with life on life's terms. After we stay clean for a time, we realize that the principles of Narcotics Anonymous are actually completely universal and could probably change the world if everyone practiced them. We may begin to wonder why we don't open up NA to all those who have any kind of problem. As we learned from our predecessors, having a single purpose is probably one of the most effective ways of ensuring that the opportunity will remain for an addict to find the identification he or she needs. If NA tried to be all things to all people, an addict might walk in, wanting only to know how to stop using drugs, and not be able to find anyone who knew.

Why was an NA member able to reach me in a way that no one else ever had? Describe the experience.


What is the therapeutic value of one addict helping another?


Why is identification so important?

[yukonm]

Milkman's Reflections - Jan 24 - Peeling the Onion






Submitted by Milkman Mike on January 24, 2012 - 4:18am


The Fourth Sep heralds a new ere in our recovery. Steps Four through Nine can be thought of as a process within a process. We will use the information we find in working the Fourth Step to work our Fifth, Sixth, Seventh, Eight, and Ninth Steps. This process is meant to be done over and over again in recovery.

There is an analogy for this process that is particularly apt. We can think of ourselves as an onion. Each time we begin a Fourth Step, we are peeling away a layer of the onion and getting closer to the core. Each layer of the onion represents another layer of denial, the disease of addiction, our character defects, and the harm we’ve caused. The core represents the pure and healthy spirit that lies at the center of each one of us. It is our goal in recovery to have a spiritual awakening, and we get closer to that by beginning this process. Our spirits awaken a little more each time we go through it.

The Fourth Step is a method for learning about ourselves, and it is as much about finding our character assets as it is about identifying the exact nature of our wrongs. The inventory process is also an avenue to freedom. We have been prohibited from being free for so long-probably all our lives. Many of us have discovered, as we worked the Fourth Step, that our problems didn’t begin the first time we took drugs, but long before, when the seeds of our addiction were actually planted. We may have felt isolated and different long before we took drugs. In fact, the way we felt and the forces that drove us are completely enmeshed with our addiction; it was our desire to change the way we felt and to subdue those forces that led us to take our first drug. Our inventory will lay bare the unresolved pain and conflicts in our past so that we are no longer at their mercy. We’ll have a choice. We’ll have achieved a measure of freedom.

[yukonm]

Milkman's Reflections - Jan 25 - On the Eighth






Submitted by Milkman Mike on January 25, 2012 - 4:28am


Some of us go to the other extreme with this step: We can't wait to get right out there and "make everything okay," unaware that we may cause more harm. We blunder forward, confessing infidelities to our spouses and our friends. We sit our families down and make them listen to every detail of our addiction, confirming some of their worst fears about what we were doing out there and filling in some blanks that, until then, had been left mercifully empty. In a state of excitement, we give our children a speech about how we have a disease for which we're not responsible, how we love our recovery, and how wonderful life is going to be from then on, forgetting all the times before when we had made them so many empty promises. We stroll into our employer's office one day and announce that we're addicts, that we've embezzled a great deal of money through ingenious means, but that we're very sorry and we'll never ever do it again.

Though our own experiences with rushing out to make amends are probably not this extreme, we can surely grasp the point: If we try to make amends without our sponsor 5 guidance and without a plan, we can end up causing even more harm.

Do I realize the need to slow down and consult my sponsor before making amends? Have I created more harm in any situation by rushing out to make amends before I was ready? What was the situation?

[yukonm]

Milkman's Reflections - Jan 26 - Integrity






Submitted by Milkman Mike on January 26, 2012 - 4:14am


The principle of integrity can be quite complex, but it is integrity, more than anything else, that commands our ability to practice other principles. In fact, integrity is knowing which principles we need to practice in a given situation, and in what measure. For instance, we're standing outside a meeting one night, and happen to be part of a group that begins gossiping about someone else in the program. Let's say they're discussing the affair our best friend's spouse is having, and we know it to be true because we heard it from our best friend the previous night. Knowing what to do in this situation will probably take every ounce of integrity we possess. So which spiritual principles do we need in this situation? Honesty? Tolerance? Respect? Restraint? It's probably our first impulse to rush in, condemning the gossip because we know how much it would hurt our friend to have such private matters discussed publicly. But by doing so, we may confirm the gossip's truth and so hurt our friend more, or we may end up self-righteously humiliating the people involved in the gossip. Most of the time, it isn't necessary to prove we have integrity by confronting a situation we don't approve of. There are a couple of things we could do in this situation. We could either change the subject, or we could excuse ourselves and walk away. Either of these choices would send a subtle message about our feelings, and at the same time, allow us to be true to our own principles and spare our friend as much as possible.

What situations in my recovery have called on me to practice the principle of integrity? How have I responded? Which times have I felt good about my response, and which times have I not?

[Chy]

A Glorious Release


"The minute I stopped arguing, I could begin to see and feel. Right there, Step Two gently and very gradually began to infiltrate my life. I can't say upon what occasion or upon what day I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, but I certainly have that belief now. To acquire it, I had only to stop fighting and practice the rest of A.A.'s program as enthusiastically as I could."
Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions,p.27


After years of indulging in a "self-will run riot," Step Two became for me a glorious release from being alone. Nothing is so painful or insurmountable in my journey now. Someone is always there to share life's burdens with me. Step Two became a reinforcement with God, and I now realize that my insanity and ego were curiously linked. To rid myself of the former, I must give up the latter to one with far broader shoulders than my own.
daily reflections for February 5-A GLORIOUS RELEASE | Milkman's Sober Living

[Chy]

I Don't Run The Show


When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be?
Alcoholics Anonymous,p.53


Today my choice is God. He is everything. For this I am truly grateful. When I think I am running the show I am blocking God from my life. I pray I can remember this when I allow myself to get caught up into self. The most important thing is that today I am willing to grow along spiritual lines, and that God is everything. When I was trying to quit drinking on my own, it never worked; with God and A.A., it is working. This seems to be a simple thought for a complicated alcoholic.

[Chy]

Be Gentle with Your Heart

On this road, this journey to the heart, you will see more, feel more, and be more than you've ever been before.

Your heart is open, your spirit is alive. You're open to all that the universe, life, and God hold for you. Because you're that open, you are more sensitive than ever to people, energies, places, things. You are more sensitive to any unresolved issues in yourself and in those around you. You are open, more open than you've ever been.

Comfort yourself. Wrap yourself up in a blanket of love and hope. Know that you will be feeling, seeing, and taking in a great deal. Know that you will be healing at a deeper level than ever before. Most of the time, this will bring joy. But an open heart is not one-dimensional; joy is not the only emotion it will embrace. Make room in your heart, room in your life, and time in your days to feel other feelings,too-- anger, grief, exuberance, tenderness, betrayal, and exhilaration-- all the emotions an open heart feels.


You're more open than you've ever been. Take gentle, loving care of yourself. Be tender with your heart.

[yukonm]

Just learned that Milkman Mike and wife purchased a new home and they are busy making renovations. Doesn't leave much time for him to post on his blog. I will try and post the Daily Reflections from his site.

A Thankful Heart


I try to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one's heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know.
As Bill Sees It,p.37


My sponsor told me that I should be a grateful alcoholic and always have 'an attitude of gratitude"-- that gratitude was the basic ingredient of humility, that humility was the basic ingredient of anonymity and that "anonymity was the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities." As a result of this guidance, I start every morning on my knees, thanking God for three things: I'm alive, I'm sober, and I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. Then I try to live an "attitude of gratitude" and thoroughly enjoy another twenty-four hours of the A.A. way of life. A.A. is not something I joined; it's something I live.